What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and...

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

TEXT:

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

My boss called me on a Saturday to let me know he that due to financial reasons, I was no longer needed effective immediatley. 3 days later, he sends me a text asking about work issues. How do I respond?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

What is life without a job?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

How do you like to be pegged?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

What is the best comeback you used on someone?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Can a dental anesthesia injection cause nerve damage? After receiving an injection in my gums I felt a sharp tingle going from the gum to my lower lip, and now sometimes I get a bit of itchiness and discomfort in my lower lip. What is it?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Why do we let ugly men exist?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

For an unpublished short story writer, what magazines or online publications offer the best chance of being recognized?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

How mentally ill are Republicans who think Trump is mentally sane? He literally said immigrants eat pets.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why is the band Nickelback unliked so much?

Make Nazis afraid again!

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.